How Quickly We Forget

Recently I read a book about a women who had 5 kids. In the book she talked about how when you have children you mark all of their first. The first words, first time they walk, first day of school, their first date and so on. But what we forget to mark are their lasts. The last time you hold them in your arms as you nurse them, or the last time they want to hug you before they get out of the car at school or the last time they sleep in their beds before moving off to college.

When you have a child who is ill and you dont know the outcome you tell yourself that when, not if, but when they get better you will do everything they want. You promise to read to them, to play outside with them (even when you just want to lay on the couch). You say you will be there for everything, every moment and be the best mom you ever.

Then everything turns out fine. You fall back into the same routine as before. You become complacent. "Firsts" pass you by and some "lasts" are missed too. The next thing you know you turn around and their all older. You're older.

Today Grace came home from school because she threw up. Of course I go into my usual panic mode. "does your tummy hurt?", "Did you throw up more than once?", "Does your head hurt?", "Are you sure your tummy hurts?" All because it never goes away. "That Fear", that fear that you will be called on all your promises to do things better and you won't have lived up to them.The fear that you will miss more "Firsts" and "Lasts".

We are blessed by God with children. Some are given to us for only a short time. Some will out live us. We should take every moment and cherish it. Soak it all in. Love every minute of it. Now I am not gonna lie and say I LOVE every minute. Being a mom is the toughest job in the world. One minute I love them sooooo much, the next I want to send them to live with a Grandparent.
And it never ends. The worry, the fear, the constant juggling of hugs and kisses with time out and pops on the leg.
Some "Lasts" that have come this year:
-Grace's last first day of elementary school
-Abby's last day as a non-teenager
- The last time Mary Paige wore her red sparkly shoes that she wore so much the
sparkles wore off the toes

Tonight I "re" pledge my committment to do more. To be a better mom. To not miss anymore
"Firsts" or "Lasts". To say yes more, but to love them enough to say no sometimes too.

I Love you Girls.

Mommy